Date: 2021-02-07 12:49 am (UTC)
lumenrelegandus: (amandus)
[ooc: Sorry for response lag! I started a new job and am just collapsing as soon as I get home ^_^ But I'm acclimating, energy level getting back up!]

Remus watched the world go by with a sense of utter unreality. He was still waiting to wake up—he'd had this sort of dream (of restoration) so many times and had to go through the loss again when it ended. At the same time, it felt as if this was normal and had been all along, that the other condition hadn't happened at all.

Not that the events hadn't. He had a moment, catching himself staring out, of thinking he mustn't make Sirius tease him for being like a dog hanging out a window. To which he'd say—

Nothing because Sirius was a traitor and murderer and rotting in Azkaban. And his heart froze and lodged strangling in his throat. Because that had never achieved full reality, some part of him had never been able to believe it, and perhaps part of his fury at Dumbledore not recalling him for the trial was that Remus never saw it for himself, and so could never accept it. Just one more vanishment, like Peter, like James, like—

Not Lily. He turned his face to gaze instead at her—he'd been avoiding too much of that, even though he knew she'd forgive it—and she was still there, no matter how often he looked away; he could read the displays of the clock and radio and odometer, where in a dream the figures would swim; and the sight of her thawed the block in his throat until he could swallow and breathe and not shiver from his core.

They spoke less than he would have thought… he'd always imagined having them back and talking for hours on end… but it turns out sitting together was just as precious, and he still needed time to get his brain back together from the earlier explosion.

And it was still in progress, because only on nearly there and pick up Harry did it truly hit him: he was going to meet Harry. And a new shock and thrill and anxiety flooded him… and it was amazing. It was… living. He'd been existing for years in a placid, serene, chilly half-death. Now everything was vivid and varied and jaggedly dynamic and alive.

"I can't wait," said Remus Lupin to Lily Potter, with a slight, nervous, transcendently happy smile.


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Remus Lupin

January 2021

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