lumenrelegandus | for lancifolium

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The little town was barely on most maps. It was rustic—quaint even for muggles. The roads were scarcely auto-worthy and you got the impression they liked it that way. Almost everyone had their own vegetable gardens, in addition to the surrounding farmland, and everywhere was walking distance from everywhere else. All showed a real love of this place. They seemed to consider it blessed. There were hints in their conversation, that they themselves would be unable to identify, that this was more than a feeling. Something was truly Charmed, here.

At one end of town, the dirt roads gave way to paved ones, to eventually connect up with the modern world. At the other end was a gentle hill with a tree on top, picture-perfect as a place to sit and read or gaze out at the village. What she was looking for would be on the other side.

Sure enough, with the hill between it and the village, still in the clear before the start of the woodlands, and set back from the… hardly road, here just a path—was a little one-storey house. Its colour was hard to tell anymore. The paint was so discoloured and the plants so overgrown. They climbed up the walls and windowsills and curved delicately around gutters. The lawn was completely covered in flowering weeds. It seemed that no one could be living here. But the sense the house gave was not of haunting or desertion. Rather, it seemed pleasantly like nature had moved back in. The family of birds under the eave, squirrels in the small tree, and rabbits in the overflowed garden seemed to agree. They gave the impression—unusual to their species—of feeling entirely safe.

But if you looked closely, you'd notice that the roof was in good repair, the windows were all intact, and the front door was clear of plants. Closer still, the doorknob was shiny from touch.

This must be the place.

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As if the years of self-exile, mourning, and fury were nothing—unhesitating, almost casual, as if there could never be any doubt—and with Lily asking, there wasn't—Remus simply nodded. "Then I'll come."

He stood, squeezing her shoulder on the way. He absently took his wand out of his pocket and looked around. "Did you mean now? There's not much I'd need to pack. If I don't come back here right away, it can become a safe house… or for minibreaks… Whatever the times require."

His eyes flickered back to hers, grey to green. "Of course I'll help however I can," he said. "But… until I speak to Dumbledore himself… so we understand… I'm coming with you. For you. And Harry. I make no assumptions or advance promises for anything else." Anxious, "Is that all right?"

"Dumbledore will want to see you as soon as possible," she exhaled slowly and turned to watch Remus as he moved around the room. It was almost surreal to be around him, though she could imagine that he would say the same of her, especially after having spent all these years believing she was dead.

"If you can come now, you ought to," Lily brightened a bit, perking up in her seat. "If we leave in less than two hours I'll be able to get Harry from my Mum and Dad's in time for bed," she had planned to be away and looking for Remus for far longer than she actually had been. Considering that she rose from her seat, smiling broadly at him. "I realize it's a hard time, there's a lot of work to be done, and much of it probably quite dangerous if I know Albus Dumbledore, but you've still made me very happy deciding to come back." Crossing the space between them she reached out and rest her hand on his shoulder, "I've missed having a friend like you in my life terribly."

He turned to her again… and his eyes hit with a shockwave of such… cold. Not cold feeling from him to her—never; nor a cold heart, since his somehow, despite all the betrayals and losses, never stopped beating kind and warm. It was the coldness that had settled into his bones of the isolation he'd lived in for so long. So far from the sun of connections; the cold numb simplicity of hermitry, that he hadn't even realised felt like that until just now, under the return of the blazing fire of Lily Evans Potter. He even flexed his fingers, as if his extremities were regaining sensation. And with the thaw was the doubt and fear and wonder, if this was truly real or was the kind of dream he'd stopped having every moment but had never stopped entirely; if he was setting himself up for anguish when he woke and it was gone; or if it was true and he no longer knew how to do things like be with others. How much more tangled and complex other people were… but also how much warmer. And how he'd forgotten that he missed it.

"I shouldn't even need one," he said. …One hour. They were still on that topic. "And I kept some floo powder around, just in case, if we want to cut that further."

He reached out, too, tentatively, to touch a strand of her hair over her shoulder. "Will… you… still be here? If I turn around?"

"I actually brought a car, if you can believe it," Lily laughed at herself. "I wasn't sure how long I'd be away looking for you, and I thought at least with a car I've got somewhere to sleep." There was the added benefit of Voldemort's followers not really checking Muggle means of transportations for Order members or muggle-born witches and wizards, but she knew just how aware of the war that raged around them the pair of them were, she didn't think either of them needed reminding. Lily had learned to drive as a teenager, even if it hadn't been a skill she'd really need to have pursuing magical studies as she believed she would be. It did come in handy though, and she preferred it to brooms by a long shot.

"It's only a few hours back, this was my best lead and my first stop," the smile on her face faltered at his question, and she shook her head, crossing the room to touch his cheek. "I'm here and I'm real Remus, I promise. Solid and staying put."

A nostalgic grin—they'd commiserated over their muggle roots, somewhat in secret, not just because of anti-muggle hostility, but sometimes just (from the likes of Sirius) dismissiveness.

His expression flickered, almost shy, making him suddenly look twenty years younger. He put his hand over hers on his face, and it warmed his gaze on her until they could have been schoolmates again. He squeezed her fingers, then turned and got to work; using nonverbal and wandless magic and good old analog walking and picking up, to gather belongings for a trip.

She couldn't help but grin back at him, glad that some of the weariness and fear she'd met when she had first arrived at his door had vanished. When Remus turned to pack his things, Lily hung back, finally getting a good look around the place, even as things went past after being summoned to be packed it was impressive and impossibly cozy.

"I wish I'd come here under better circumstances Remus, you've got so many wonderful looking books." She was holding up one, on the history of Herbology, leafing through it as she waited for him to be ready. "One day you'll have to invite me over so I can drink all your tea and read your books."

"Come back whenever you want," he said. "Whether I'm here or not. If you and Harry, your parents, want a quiet weekend in the country. You're through the wards so it shouldn't give you any trouble." He shot a rueful look at the bookshelves. "It'd be nice for these not to go to waste." With a wave of his hand, he brought a few to his suitcase, but almost all would stay put. He nodded to the one in her hand. "And take however many you want. They've… been…" He grimaced. "No way around it… my only company." The grimace gentled back to a smile. "But… if I'm rejoining the world now… better for them to be a library. Best especially to be shared."

When he invited her to borrow the books she wanted to, Lily glanced around the room, uncertain as to where she would even begin. "Why don't you bring some of your favorites," she looked back in his direction, still smiling gently. "I'm your company now so you'll have someone to discuss them with at last." Naturally that didn't stop her from picking about four titles from a few of the shelves closer to her, not wanting to walk out of her with the entire library if she let herself look too hard at what there was to read.

Books were a weakness.

He watched her like Lily browsing books was a beautiful sight. He quickly ducked his head and did his own scanning. When he held out his hand, books flew into it. The last few he left hovering to show to her. "To read to Harry, maybe?" He sounded endearingly nervous about it.

"Of course you'll have to read it to Harry," she replied, smiling at him brightly, absolutely adoring the idea. "And we'll only have to drive so far as my parent's house. This is their car. From there, after we fetch Harry we'll be able to take the Floo Network, they're connected on a very limited basis."

Smiling so often felt so strange yet so unstrange on his face. Like the muscles had grown unused to it, while at the same time, the lack of smiling, for years, was what had really been the strangeness and the strain. He was astonished at how quickly he reacted to this as normal. When he thought he'd gotten so good at retraining himself, accepting it would never happen again. Maybe if it was anyone other than Lily…? —No, it could be no one else. No one except Sirius suddenly, impossibly exonerated. Anyone else, not even James or Peter… what was done would not be so abruptly undone. It could only be Lily.

And Harry. That was still unreal to him. Maybe he'd start to believe it when they were there. He hadn't even met Harry before That Halloween; he'd been too embedded with the werewolves—and thus too set in dark mindsets even when briefly among others. He'd also assumed, After Halloween, that he, Remus, was too dangerous, in circumstances too unstable, to ever be allowed great exposure to Harry. Let alone take any responsibility for him—which would have been the one thing he'd have stayed for. Dumbledore had denied him that, too, but that one, Remus had accepted without challenge. Now he realised, with warmth of minor revelation: it was also because of Lily. Time couldn't be rewritten, but thinking back on it knowing Lily was still alive restored it a bit more colour and light.

All this thrummed through Remus's whole nervous system as he carefully tucked away the books for Harry; a small handful but carefully curated, balancing muggle and wizarding, entertaining and educating. He wondered if he could dare start a chapter book with Harry and hope to continue it… how many bedtimes would he be allowed to be around for… how close to Harry and Lily he might be allowed to…

Where will you live? What will you do for full moons? The thought darkened his mind. But at the same time, that might be where Dumbledore came in. …Even if not… it had been suggested, once, that Remus might be given custody of 12 Grimmauld. He rejected it then. Perhaps it was a thing to face, after all, now.

He should probably do so in advance, but he decided to tackle these things—even worry about them fully—later. When he was fully convinced he was awake and this was real. He was far enough from the full moon. There was time to maneouvre. …Indeed, he could come back here for his usual stint locked in the cellar. He'd work it out. He couldn't try to anticipate or plan too much in advance. He didn't know enough about Lily, their relationship now, himself, (what he might even want let alone what might be reciprocated,) anything, to dare, and it didn't feel survivable to try. That's all right. ~~They~~ It would be worked out as it went.

Remus finished and closed the bags, turning to Lily. "That should do it."

Unaware of the weighty issues that rolled through Remus' mind Lily was content to linger and look on. She thought she might have been able to see something, as though he were thinking quite hard as he packed away his things. They'd only just begun to come out on the other side of so much time without each other it was easy to resist the desire to break his private reverie. They had time for questions, later, after he had a chance to meet Harry and get settled. Had she known he was questioning where he would stay Lily would have protested instantly, she assumed since she had been the one to insist he come, he could just share the little cottage she and Harry lived in.

"You've got everything?" She said with an excited smile when he turned back to face her, her posture lifting as she watched him. "I'll be able to sort my spare room out while you keep Harry busy, it's not very big but it should fit everything you've brought, with room to spare." She and Harry didn't live that lavishly. Most of the money James had left was being kept for her son, and Lily preferred things simple anyway. They lived cozily and happily and that was all she could ever want or need.

"Let's go then, I'm so happy you agreed, Remus, there really aren't words to express it." Taking his arm once he was close enough Lily beamed at him before heading out of the cottage and towards the road where she left her car.

The tacit invitation/reassurance—just assuming he would live with them (at least at first)—and her gentle hold on his arm both lifted such heavy clouds from his mind… It was as if she was the patronus who'd just sent a Dementor away. (And what would she think if she saw his patronus, these days…)

"I'm so happy you're alive," he whispered back, dipping his head toward hers. "I never thought I'd have such a friend again." Or any. He'd wondered if he should have ever had such friends at all. With this restoration of the present, not only a future but the past came back with it. Yes. Of course he should have. No matter how it ended. No matter that he never knew who Sirius really was—that may have proved a lie, but their times together weren't. Those times were to be held onto no matter what.

Being faced with a car again was another shot of the past, this one even further back. He remembered hard what to do, but finally just stuck his two bags on the back seat and went to the door of the front seat that didn't have the wheel in front of it.

…Oh. He'd never sat in the front of a car. The last time he'd been in one, he'd been a small child.

He looked again at Lily, her hair and eyes brighter than sunshine, and grinned. "Let the adventure begin."

Edited 2021-01-30 19:13 (UTC)

"I assure you, Remus, I'm quite happy that I'm alive as well," it hurt her to think that he had spent any time mourning her. Though they might have been parted from one another's company for quite a long stretch of time, she hadn't ever thought him dead and found the fact that he was out there somewhere consoling. He hadn't had that.

The thought made her heart ache for him all over again and Lily dropped her light hold on his arm in favor of wrapping hers around his back to give him a brief hug.

Drawing away a moment later, though the smile on her face had hardly diminished (and she didn't think it was likely to for some time) Lily opened the driver's side door and got into the car, laughing gently when he declared the adventure as begun.

"Adventure we shall then." Reaching over she squeezed his arm briefly and affectionately before getting her hands on the wheel and getting them out of this village.

As she had mentioned, this place had been her first stop, so it wasn't much longer than a little over an hour that the signs for Cokeworth could be seen on the highway, marking the exit.

"We're nearly there, to pick up Harry and give my Dad back the car of course."

[ooc: Sorry for response lag! I started a new job and am just collapsing as soon as I get home ^_^ But I'm acclimating, energy level getting back up!]

Remus watched the world go by with a sense of utter unreality. He was still waiting to wake up—he'd had this sort of dream (of restoration) so many times and had to go through the loss again when it ended. At the same time, it felt as if this was normal and had been all along, that the other condition hadn't happened at all.

Not that the events hadn't. He had a moment, catching himself staring out, of thinking he mustn't make Sirius tease him for being like a dog hanging out a window. To which he'd say—

Nothing because Sirius was a traitor and murderer and rotting in Azkaban. And his heart froze and lodged strangling in his throat. Because that had never achieved full reality, some part of him had never been able to believe it, and perhaps part of his fury at Dumbledore not recalling him for the trial was that Remus never saw it for himself, and so could never accept it. Just one more vanishment, like Peter, like James, like—

Not Lily. He turned his face to gaze instead at her—he'd been avoiding too much of that, even though he knew she'd forgive it—and she was still there, no matter how often he looked away; he could read the displays of the clock and radio and odometer, where in a dream the figures would swim; and the sight of her thawed the block in his throat until he could swallow and breathe and not shiver from his core.

They spoke less than he would have thought… he'd always imagined having them back and talking for hours on end… but it turns out sitting together was just as precious, and he still needed time to get his brain back together from the earlier explosion.

And it was still in progress, because only on nearly there and pick up Harry did it truly hit him: he was going to meet Harry. And a new shock and thrill and anxiety flooded him… and it was amazing. It was… living. He'd been existing for years in a placid, serene, chilly half-death. Now everything was vivid and varied and jaggedly dynamic and alive.

"I can't wait," said Remus Lupin to Lily Potter, with a slight, nervous, transcendently happy smile.

Edited (formatfail as ever!) 2021-02-07 00:50 (UTC)

[ my turn to apologize for being slow! ]

While it had been what she had come here to do, driving away from that little village with Remus was surreal. She had held out hope that their paths would cross again and indeed she had been sent to seek him out, but there were so many facets of this that were completely unexpected. Lily felt confused and more than a little angry the more she considered that Remus had thought she was dead for all this time, and Dumbledore, clearly in touch with him for all this time had let him think that. Surely it must have come up at some point.

For all her internal discord Lily was still glad to have him with her as she drove back to Cokeworth that afternoon. She was prudent about keeping her eyes on the road but still couldn't help glancing in his direction, reaffirming that he was really there and had agreed to come.

"I can't wait either," she said, smiling as she watched the road ahead of them. "We don't have a terribly big house but there's more than enough room for you, and your books of course. You'll be so lovely for Harry to be around as well," at the thought of it she darted her eyes in his direction, her smile widening into a warm grin.

It wasn't ten minutes after she said as much that the sign for Cokeworth could be seen and Lily moved them from the wider motorways to the narrower roads of her hometown, that same happy expression on her face as she took them down one fairly rural road, stopping in front of a brick house with a large front garden. "Right then, are you ready Remus?" Lily swung the drivers' door open, eager to stretch her legs and see her son.

Her parents were both highly friendly-looking people; Harold with his heavy sweaters and high socks, ginger hair wisping out of all sides of the well-worn flat cap he wore, a grin that mirrored his daughter's in its vivacity on his face as he swung the front door open, his grandson on his hip, and June who's hair was darker and streaked with grey, her smile matching her husbands as she waved at the two in the car.

"You're back so soon, I'd almost ask you to let us keep Harry longer! We had such plans together he and I," said Harold, as June left the doorway to venture closer to the car to hug her daughter before smiling at Remus. "You must be Remus, I'm so glad you're alright, Lily was quite worried about you."

Remus looked simultaneously a little dazed and like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to smilingly grasp June's and Harold's hands. "It's good to meet you. Thank you. I'm… not used to people worrying about me."

I'm sorry we didn't meet when… I'm sorry I didn't— —what, break the news of Lily's death to them himself? She hadn't died! (Thank Merlyn, thank gods, thank God.)

His eyes had turned again to Lily, as if to remind himself (again and again) that, yes, it was really her, she was really here, and so was he. And he turned that too into a smile and said, "I'm so happy that Harry has all of you to grow up with."

[ooc: [2 weeks, oh jeez… I'm sorry for leaving you hanging! …and now such a flimsy tag… anyway, here to get going again if you still are <3 ]

[hiii no worries at all! i'm always happy to see your tags in my inbox and will backtag forever]

Harry, recognizing the sound of his name stared at Remus while reaching for Lily, who lifted him out of his grandfather's arms and cuddled him close while carrying him over to meet their guest. "Harry this is your Uncle Remus," she said, smiling gently up at Lupin as she shifted Harry in her arms so that the baby could study him, which Harry did very intently.

Her parents, seeming to know something was going on, exchanged a look before moving casually back towards their front door. "Don't know if you mean to pop out right away Lily darling, but we'll have the kettle on inside should you decided to stay a bit." Lily nodded gratefully before turning her attention back to Harry, watching as he took in Remus.

[ <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 ! ]

For some moments: stillness. It was difficult to tell whose eyes were bigger: the baby's or Lupin's. They stared at each other as if whole stories were playing out behind their eyes. For Remus, at least, they were. Every memory of James—and, of course, inextricably then, all the rest. Their loss, again—things he'd seen and hadn't had to—and the fight to help Harry, not as his guardian which was of course impossible but somehow, and that (seemingly) denied… all made all right by this, now. He could have fallen to his knees. Instead, he looked again at Lily. Alive. Real. Here. When he fixed his eyes again on Harry's, Remus was here, too. This wasn't a dream he was going to wake up from and have to mourn. This was happening. Lily was alive. And this… at last… not for him to flee or rend from or wall himself away, to protect himself and everyone else. He was here meet… and… as family.

Remus had had two families. Each ended disastrously. He'd believed he'd never have another. He was never so glad to be wrong. And this one would not go that way. He'd die to make sure.

Remus didn't kneel… that would be ridiculous… but he did bend so that his eyes were at a level with Harry's. (The one difference from James: Harry's eyes were Lily's green. Wonderful.)

Very gently and sombrely, Remus took Harry's tiny hand between his own fingers; and gave the tiniest, introducing shake. "Hullo, Harry." He was pretty sure Harry was too young to follow words, but perhaps he could feel by tone. The lump in Remus's throat thickened his voice, but didn't make it less warm or wondering or grateful. "I wasn't sure I'd ever meet you. I hope to be your friend. And I'll do anything to help you and keep you safe." Though his eyes didn't flicker this time, that vow was also to Lily.

Edited 2021-03-09 03:08 (UTC)

[ and once again, the ball of apology is back in my court! ]

Harry regarded him with big green eyes that held the same sort of crackling energy that Lily's did when she was in an especially fine mood. When Remus took his little hand the boy made a few noises of curiousness. With all the deliberate purpose of any toddler, Harry brought his free hand down onto the man's larger one before the toddler pat it a few times (gently of course!), as his mum had taught him to on the cats that roamed the dirt roads of Hogsmeade when not curled up in front of cozy fireplaces. Harry hadn't quite gotten to making words, but there were several very exuberant syllables Remus was met with instead, each punctuated by an affectionate pat to the back of his hand from the toddler.

"That's right Harry, Uncle Remus is going to stay with us for a while. You'll have to teach him all your games." Lily spoke softly and affectionately to her son before kissing the side of his head. "And you've got a fresh set of legs now, maybe Uncle Remus will be willing to chase you around while you fly on your broom!" Lily had never been especially good on a broom and wasn't confident that she'd be a good instructor for Harry (she thought it was ridiculous that Flying was only taught for one year at school and people were meant to feel confident hurtling through the air forevermore after). Maybe Remus would be a better fit for the job. Either way, she was glad Harry was getting to spend time around more people, especially someone who had been so important to James and was still very much so to her.

"Alright Remus," Lily bundled Harry into her coat before she held out her hand. "Ready to go home?" And whenever he was, she was happy to take them both, bringing them to the front door of the cottage McGonagall was graciously letting she and her son live in.

[ooc: /dribbles that ball for weeks…/ For along time, had just too many FEELS to figure out how to respond :-) Still kinda true but enough's enough!]

Remus was about to start weeping. He swallowed it back, managed a smile, and dove headfirst into overthinking to forestall breakdown. "We probably don't want to say 'Uncle Remus'." Though he and Lily had both grown up in mixed households, Remus may possibly have retreated into more muggle literature than she had (or anybody). "Uncle Lupin maybe, or just Remus… but either way." Yep, a few tears rising to his eyes and he swallowed to make he got it out: "Thank you. For… I haven't had family in a while."

The idea of chasing Harry on a broom made Remus laugh. "Not on a broom myself… I'm hopeless. But I'm sure we could figure something out. Patronus charms can be put to all sorts of uses…"

She held out her hand, and Remus was frozen anew, looking at it and Harry and her and again trying not to simply start bawling—with relief and grief and joy and catharsis and plain old overload.

At last, he realised he didn't have to sort all that out right now: he just had to step closer and take her hand.

So he did.

[ we're just a couple of glaciers lol ]

That he was so touched and emotional about this turn of events wasn't lost on Lily, nor could she blame him for it. He had made choices that would shift the course of the life he'd been living quickly, and up until hours ago, he thought she was dead. Now he was coming to join her, and Harry in the cottage Minerva had been gracious enough to let them reside in after James' death.

It was a place she thought was quite cozy, close enough to the school to feel safer than anywhere else, and just the right size to raise a small child like Harry in. In truth, Lily was excited about the prospect of getting to share it with Remus. He had been on his own for such a long time when he didn't have to be. She was glad they had the chance to make up for lost time, however slightly.

Taking his hand they winked out of sight, popping back into existence just at the front step of the small cottage, where she released Remus's hand in order to unlock the front door and show him inside.

[ooc: Could be worse; fjords are nice ^_^ ]

Remus walked where she led him, looking at everything as if still seeking the telltale that this wasn't real.

He felt a little like he was following James's ghost. Not replacing him… he couldn't if he wanted to.

…Did he want to…? Like just about everyone had, Remus had loved Lily when they were at school. …And always, really. But he'd taken it in the opposite direction to some and just made sure to support her and James all the more.

Well, thank goodness it wasn't solely up to him. He was too confused to know anything, much less what he might want. As if what he wanted had ever had very much impact on what happened. Right now, that was just fine. He'd keep following her lead.

In any case. Having her alive, and his friend. That was the only essential in the world. Anything else, he was fine with or (much more likely) without. As long as he could be here for her and Harry in any capacity.

"How long have you lived here?"

Quick to open the front door of the cottage and wave himself so that he could see the place properly, Lily beamed proudly at the cozy home she had put together to raise her son in. "Since James," she began and frowned shaking her head, not wanting to say more and knowing she didn't have to elaborate. Remus would likely know all too well what she was talking about.

"It's McGonagall's," Lily continued brightly after a moment, bouncing Harry on her hip as she led Remus into the kitchen, gently depositing her son in his highchair before kissing the top of Harry's head. "It's perfect really, close enough to Hogwarts that I feel very safe living here by myself, though," tilting her head at Remus Lily smiled warmly. "I suppose while you're staying here that won't be much of a worry." Crossing the room Lily moved her wand, a baby bottle assembling itself and filling with milk as she put the kettle on.

"Would you like a cup of tea? I expect our sovereign lord here to be ready for bed after a bottle and I know I certainly could do with a cup. I can show you your room once he's settled in and get your bed made." Lily had not expected to bring Remus back with her, but she was delighted by the unexpected turn her search for him had taken. It had been too long since she had a friend.

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