lumenrelegandus | for lancifolium

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for lancifolium

The little town was barely on most maps. It was rustic—quaint even for muggles. The roads were scarcely auto-worthy and you got the impression they liked it that way. Almost everyone had their own vegetable gardens, in addition to the surrounding farmland, and everywhere was walking distance from everywhere else. All showed a real love of this place. They seemed to consider it blessed. There were hints in their conversation, that they themselves would be unable to identify, that this was more than a feeling. Something was truly Charmed, here.

At one end of town, the dirt roads gave way to paved ones, to eventually connect up with the modern world. At the other end was a gentle hill with a tree on top, picture-perfect as a place to sit and read or gaze out at the village. What she was looking for would be on the other side.

Sure enough, with the hill between it and the village, still in the clear before the start of the woodlands, and set back from the… hardly road, here just a path—was a little one-storey house. Its colour was hard to tell anymore. The paint was so discoloured and the plants so overgrown. They climbed up the walls and windowsills and curved delicately around gutters. The lawn was completely covered in flowering weeds. It seemed that no one could be living here. But the sense the house gave was not of haunting or desertion. Rather, it seemed pleasantly like nature had moved back in. The family of birds under the eave, squirrels in the small tree, and rabbits in the overflowed garden seemed to agree. They gave the impression—unusual to their species—of feeling entirely safe.

But if you looked closely, you'd notice that the roof was in good repair, the windows were all intact, and the front door was clear of plants. Closer still, the doorknob was shiny from touch.

This must be the place.

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The years that had passed since she had since Remus last had been both numerous and rough. Lily had needed to grow stronger quickly, becoming a widowed mother of an infant in the middle of a war. She and Harry had side-stepped something calamitous that night, but losing James had been a devastating blow, one she would not have weathered had it not been for the Order, and the friends she was honored to fight alongside. Thankfully her parents had remained safe, relocated temporarily to a safe-house during the height of it, and had been glad to have Harry there as well. There had been so many nights Lily had been terrified that she wouldn't make it back to her son, that she would do the unthinkable and leave him an orphan, but she had to do what was right, as James had.

Even years later the danger wasn't gone completely, though blessedly the imminent threat of it had receded enough that everyone could breathe a little bit easier. It gave Lily a chance to raise Harry in a peaceful, happy home - something she and James had wanted for their baby very much. Still, there was work to be done and Lily Potter had never shied away from putting in the work it took in order to do the right thing, even when that work took her down the most unexpected paths.

It was a path that could be described as exactly that, that had brought her to the front door of the cottage. Uncertain of what she would find and unwilling to ruin any sort of cover Remus might have made for himself, Lily had driven herself to the little village before leaving her car parked on the side of the last bit of road she felt comfortable taking it down walking the rest of the way to his door.

Or rather, what she hoped was his door.

Glancing around at the wildly flowering tall grass that surrounded the place, it was easy to think the little cottage might have been abandoned, but there were just enough hints there to make her approach. Perhaps there was just a certain warmth to the air that suggested that this was the place.

Clearing her throat Lily reached up and pushed her thick braid of hair over her shoulder, straightening her posture before knocking.

There was no answer from inside the house.

But in a few seconds, there was the faintest pop of misplaced air behind her.

Then soft thumps of multiple things hitting the ground.

Behind her on the little, overgrown path, with several parcels (most book-shaped) at his feet where he'd dropped them, Remus Lupin was staring at Lily, eyes wide and face white in utter shock.

Lily spun on her heel at that unmistakable popping sound, governed by years in the fray, her hand fell to the pocket where she kept her wand ready to draw it in a heartbeat if she had to. Whatever tension the sound of his appearance might have knit in her shoulders the sight of him dissolved immediately.

"Hello Remus, you alright?" There was a lot else she wanted to say, certainly, and much more that she had been sent here to say, but everything had to begin somewhere.

No part of him moved—except for his hand, which suddenly had a wand in it, aimed right at her.

"You're not her," he said. The raspishness of his voice… had it been a full moon recently enough that he was still hoarse? or was it part of the shock? or did he just sound like that now, from years of who-knew-what? "How dare you mimic her? Who are you?"

It would have been a small matter to draw her own wand, and the part of her left jangled up inside from the war wanted to, but Lily refrained, instead holding both of her hands up level with her shoulders as she stared at him wide-eyed.

"Remus! It's me! Dumbledore sent me to find you, please just listen to what I have to say."

The slight shift of Remus's jaw was very reminiscent of a wolf getting ready to grow.

"Prove you're her," he said. But he didn't ask her any questions that only she could answer. Instead, the tip of his wand glowed with a wordless shield spell, and he nodded to the empty space beside them both. "Cast a patronus."

"Alright." Given the circumstances, it was a reasonable request. Puffing out a sigh she gave him a single nod before she drew her wand.

"Expecto Patronum," she said loudly and firmly, as plumes of brilliant light sprung from her wand, appearing to hit the ground and shift into the shape of a doe, which regarded them both before bounding away as it dissolved.

Lupin lowered his wand.

Like someone wounded, he crossed the space between them. He stopped shy of her. Tentatively, he held out his hand.

Relaxing when he lowered his wand Lily's was back in her pocket by the time he reached her. She glanced briefly from his outstretched hand to his face and back again before stepping forward to throw her arms around his neck.

"Oh Remus you're alright," Lily said happily as she pulled him into a tight hug.

He put his arms around her shakily, then hugged her tight, his face bending into her hair like it had the one other time in his life that he'd held her and wept.

"How?" he whispered. "How are you—"

Then he stopped, pulled back enough to search her face… the beginnings of a wondering smile on his. He touched her cheek, then looked around, and wordlessly Summoned the parcels he'd dropped to follow them. "Let's go inside. It's warded."

Uncertain where to even begin when he asked her how Lily was thankful the moment, his gathering his things from the ground and letting her into his home allowed her.

She was grateful that he was seemingly as glad to see her as she was him, but that did not stop the thoughtful frown she'd had on his doorstep from returning to her face once they were inside. "I didn't know you thought I'd died Remus. Albus never told me, not until he asked me to try and find you."

Remus nodded slowly, as he moved like a sleepwalker to set down the parcels and close and lock the door behind them.

As overgrown as the outside of the house was, the inside was perfectly tidy. No dirt, no dust, everything shabby but in good repair; with hardly any furniture or belongings—except for wall-to-wall books. The walls themselves weren't visible for bookshelves. Their contents seemed organised by subject, then author, except for some that must've been by something like date… muggle and wizarding, fiction and nonfiction, old and new, from all over the world; some books they'd read at Hogwarts, some she'd caught him referencing (as none of the others had—only they two muggleborns) from his childhood… several worlds' worth in pages…

Remus moved into the room again with her, waving his hand absently and casting wordless, wandless magic to clear some books (pending shelving) off the one armchair, and Summoning a dining chair from the next room, to seat them both facing each other by the window. He invited her to sit in the armchair, with his usual courtesy, but sank into the dining chair himself before she'd accepted. His legs seemed unable to hold him up any longer.

"How didn't you die?" he whispered. "Is James alive too? Peter? Is Sirius pardoned? …What's real?"

Perhaps once she had told him everything Lily would be able to fall utterly in love with the home he'd made for himself here. This was precisely the sort of place that suited her perfectly, down to the shelves of meticulously organized books she'd likely spend days pouring over. She did smile as she looked around the space, "I bet rainy days are lovely here."

Lily looked back to Remus giving him a little smile, shrugging apologetically at the odd remark before she sank down into the chair he offered her, watching him as he regarded her. Given that he had thought her dead, he seemed reasonably shaken up, though the sight of it made her heart hurt. She didn't like to think of someone mourning her, much less someone like Remus, whom she cared very deeply for.

"James is," she began, trailing off almost instantly before giving him a grave nod. "For several years now, and Sirius is," she still didn't know what to think about Sirius, or what had happened that night and how. "He murdered Peter the night you-know-who came for us."

Remus stared at her face the way Diviners did a crystal ball; half-daring, searching; drinking her in yet waiting for the veil to fall; and he seemed so, so much older than the years that had actually passed, and so terribly sad.

"Tell me everything?" he said only.

Lily sighed, nodding as she reached out, catching one of his hands in both of hers, partially for her benefit as much as his.

"He came on Halloween and James tried to," she shook her head. "He didn't have his wand," there was no mistaking the sadness in her voice at the memory of it. James yelling for her to take Harry and run before the entire house flashed with a horrible green light.

Remus turned his hand to return her grasp. His tightened as she spoke, though his eyes never left hers, not even to flinch. He'd always had a way of listening that no one else did (except, he would say, Lily herself); like the speaker was the only person in the world, the reality they described was unassailable, and he was entirely with them, not only now but then, too.

"You-Know-Who made it to Harry's room," she continued her voice low. "I still don't know why he spared me but, he tortured me until I lost consciousness, and when I woke up," she tilted her head to the side, frowning. "I was back in the infirmary at Hogwarts, Slughorn and Dumbledore insisted I be kept close, Harry too. We went to stay with my parents in the safehouse they'd been lent, I didn't know anyone thought we were dead Remus or I promise I would have tried to find you sooner."

Tears had filled Remus's eyes. He enclosed her hands in both of his and brought them all up to kiss hers.

"Dumbledore told me… I guess he didn't explicitly say you were dead. But with all the others… he told me I had to mourn and find a way to move forward… I was so angry at him… that I'd been gone, undercover, when it all happened… that he hadn't called me back, even for Sirius's trial… I thought all of you were gone. Maybe it's my fault, I never learned otherwise… I cut myself off. I didn't tell anyone where I was going. I told Dumbledore not to let anyone look for me. I didn't even settle here until…" He trailed off, eyes going from her hands to her face. He exhaled, a tear streaking his face, then almost smiled and bent forward to hug her again.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "But I'm so, so glad… you and Harry… I'm so glad you're alive. I missed you so much."

Edited 2021-01-18 04:09 (UTC)

"Remus don't apologize," Lily said hastily, letting her hands brush over his cheeks as she felt tears prick her own eyes. It felt like all the things she'd forced herself not to cry about wouldn't be held back anymore, though she was trying her hardest to continue to hold it together.

"What happened to us all was horrible, we were so young and the war, everybody," she trailed off thinking of Marlene, and of Frank and Alice, her gaze falling off to the side momentarily. When Remus moved to draw her into another hug she let her arms wrap around him in return, holding onto him tightly. "We all did what we had to do, we do the best we can." At least that was the steadying thought she had clung to and repeated to herself for years.

"You and James did. Peter… Sirius…" He let the sentence die and shook his head beside hers. He pressed a kiss to her hair, then sat back, scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, and gave more of a smile. "But you. And Harry. Tell me about him."

Lily needed a moment as well, drying her now damp cheeks with a small handkerchief from the pocket of her cardigan and sniffling as she watched Remus seemed to absorb all the truly terrible things that had happened all over again.

"Harry's wonderful Remus," she began, brightening in an instant as she fished through her handbag of a photograph of the little boy to show him. He was settled in the middle of her sitting room, clapping in delight as a paper butterfly fluttered just within the frame of the shot.

Remus leaned over to stare at the photo, awe coming onto his face. "He looks just like James." He looked at Lily again, and finally (third time's the charm) he was really smiling. "He looks happy."

"You'll have to come see him," she said giving him a firm nod that suggested she wouldn't take no for an answer. "Remus, won't you come, just for a little while? I don't want to tear you away from your life here," Lily continued, realizing now that if he declined she would feel terrible. "But I know Harry would love to meet his uncle."

The wonder dawned again in his eyes, and a warmth in his smile, and he nodded. "Yes. I want to meet him. Very much."

And a small, self-deprecating laugh, " 'My life here'… No one will know if I stay or leave. I keep to myself. Although I do… um…" He glanced at the one of shelves of wizarding books. "…do things. For the villagers. Without them knowing. Usually from a distance. But I know they'll survive just fine without me."

Lily's eyes widened a touch when he admitted to helping the people in the closest hamlet and she shook her head with a soft laugh. "Remus, you know you shouldn't," she cut herself off and beamed at him instead.

"It figures even living all by yourself you've still found a way to be kind." It was her turn to hug him again, though she didn't hold onto him for very long, eager to draw back enough to smile at him once more. "I'm so glad you'll come." She paused, frowning. "Dumbledore did send me, but, I didn't know you were angry with him."

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