for lancifolium

[lumenrelegandus]

The little town was barely on most maps. It was rustic—quaint even for muggles. The roads were scarcely auto-worthy and you got the impression they liked it that way. Almost everyone had their own vegetable gardens, in addition to the surrounding farmland, and everywhere was walking distance from everywhere else. All showed a real love of this place. They seemed to consider it blessed. There were hints in their conversation, that they themselves would be unable to identify, that this was more than a feeling. Something was truly Charmed, here.

At one end of town, the dirt roads gave way to paved ones, to eventually connect up with the modern world. At the other end was a gentle hill with a tree on top, picture-perfect as a place to sit and read or gaze out at the village. What she was looking for would be on the other side.

Sure enough, with the hill between it and the village, still in the clear before the start of the woodlands, and set back from the… hardly road, here just a path—was a little one-storey house. Its colour was hard to tell anymore. The paint was so discoloured and the plants so overgrown. They climbed up the walls and windowsills and curved delicately around gutters. The lawn was completely covered in flowering weeds. It seemed that no one could be living here. But the sense the house gave was not of haunting or desertion. Rather, it seemed pleasantly like nature had moved back in. The family of birds under the eave, squirrels in the small tree, and rabbits in the overflowed garden seemed to agree. They gave the impression—unusual to their species—of feeling entirely safe.

But if you looked closely, you'd notice that the roof was in good repair, the windows were all intact, and the front door was clear of plants. Closer still, the doorknob was shiny from touch.

This must be the place.

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[lumenrelegandus]

Tears had filled Remus's eyes. He enclosed her hands in both of his and brought them all up to kiss hers.

"Dumbledore told me… I guess he didn't explicitly say you were dead. But with all the others… he told me I had to mourn and find a way to move forward… I was so angry at him… that I'd been gone, undercover, when it all happened… that he hadn't called me back, even for Sirius's trial… I thought all of you were gone. Maybe it's my fault, I never learned otherwise… I cut myself off. I didn't tell anyone where I was going. I told Dumbledore not to let anyone look for me. I didn't even settle here until…" He trailed off, eyes going from her hands to her face. He exhaled, a tear streaking his face, then almost smiled and bent forward to hug her again.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "But I'm so, so glad… you and Harry… I'm so glad you're alive. I missed you so much."

[lancifolium]

"Remus don't apologize," Lily said hastily, letting her hands brush over his cheeks as she felt tears prick her own eyes. It felt like all the things she'd forced herself not to cry about wouldn't be held back anymore, though she was trying her hardest to continue to hold it together.

"What happened to us all was horrible, we were so young and the war, everybody," she trailed off thinking of Marlene, and of Frank and Alice, her gaze falling off to the side momentarily. When Remus moved to draw her into another hug she let her arms wrap around him in return, holding onto him tightly. "We all did what we had to do, we do the best we can." At least that was the steadying thought she had clung to and repeated to herself for years.

[lumenrelegandus]

"You and James did. Peter… Sirius…" He let the sentence die and shook his head beside hers. He pressed a kiss to her hair, then sat back, scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, and gave more of a smile. "But you. And Harry. Tell me about him."

[lancifolium]

Lily needed a moment as well, drying her now damp cheeks with a small handkerchief from the pocket of her cardigan and sniffling as she watched Remus seemed to absorb all the truly terrible things that had happened all over again.

"Harry's wonderful Remus," she began, brightening in an instant as she fished through her handbag of a photograph of the little boy to show him. He was settled in the middle of her sitting room, clapping in delight as a paper butterfly fluttered just within the frame of the shot.

[lumenrelegandus]

Remus leaned over to stare at the photo, awe coming onto his face. "He looks just like James." He looked at Lily again, and finally (third time's the charm) he was really smiling. "He looks happy."

[lancifolium]

"You'll have to come see him," she said giving him a firm nod that suggested she wouldn't take no for an answer. "Remus, won't you come, just for a little while? I don't want to tear you away from your life here," Lily continued, realizing now that if he declined she would feel terrible. "But I know Harry would love to meet his uncle."

[lumenrelegandus]

The wonder dawned again in his eyes, and a warmth in his smile, and he nodded. "Yes. I want to meet him. Very much."

And a small, self-deprecating laugh, " 'My life here'… No one will know if I stay or leave. I keep to myself. Although I do… um…" He glanced at the one of shelves of wizarding books. "…do things. For the villagers. Without them knowing. Usually from a distance. But I know they'll survive just fine without me."

[lancifolium]

Lily's eyes widened a touch when he admitted to helping the people in the closest hamlet and she shook her head with a soft laugh. "Remus, you know you shouldn't," she cut herself off and beamed at him instead.

"It figures even living all by yourself you've still found a way to be kind." It was her turn to hug him again, though she didn't hold onto him for very long, eager to draw back enough to smile at him once more. "I'm so glad you'll come." She paused, frowning. "Dumbledore did send me, but, I didn't know you were angry with him."

[lumenrelegandus]

His brow raised, but he looked only confused, not angry. "Did he? Why?"

omg i never got this email!!!

[lancifolium]

"We need you, Remus, things are getting better but there's danger everywhere. He wouldn't say why specifically but I know for certain that we need you." Lily cleared her throat, her bright eyes wide and emotional. "I know I'd benefit greatly from having you around."

[lumenrelegandus]

As if the years of self-exile, mourning, and fury were nothing—unhesitating, almost casual, as if there could never be any doubt—and with Lily asking, there wasn't—Remus simply nodded. "Then I'll come."

He stood, squeezing her shoulder on the way. He absently took his wand out of his pocket and looked around. "Did you mean now? There's not much I'd need to pack. If I don't come back here right away, it can become a safe house… or for minibreaks… Whatever the times require."

His eyes flickered back to hers, grey to green. "Of course I'll help however I can," he said. "But… until I speak to Dumbledore himself… so we understand… I'm coming with you. For you. And Harry. I make no assumptions or advance promises for anything else." Anxious, "Is that all right?"

[lancifolium]

"Dumbledore will want to see you as soon as possible," she exhaled slowly and turned to watch Remus as he moved around the room. It was almost surreal to be around him, though she could imagine that he would say the same of her, especially after having spent all these years believing she was dead.

"If you can come now, you ought to," Lily brightened a bit, perking up in her seat. "If we leave in less than two hours I'll be able to get Harry from my Mum and Dad's in time for bed," she had planned to be away and looking for Remus for far longer than she actually had been. Considering that she rose from her seat, smiling broadly at him. "I realize it's a hard time, there's a lot of work to be done, and much of it probably quite dangerous if I know Albus Dumbledore, but you've still made me very happy deciding to come back." Crossing the space between them she reached out and rest her hand on his shoulder, "I've missed having a friend like you in my life terribly."

[lumenrelegandus]

He turned to her again… and his eyes hit with a shockwave of such… cold. Not cold feeling from him to her—never; nor a cold heart, since his somehow, despite all the betrayals and losses, never stopped beating kind and warm. It was the coldness that had settled into his bones of the isolation he'd lived in for so long. So far from the sun of connections; the cold numb simplicity of hermitry, that he hadn't even realised felt like that until just now, under the return of the blazing fire of Lily Evans Potter. He even flexed his fingers, as if his extremities were regaining sensation. And with the thaw was the doubt and fear and wonder, if this was truly real or was the kind of dream he'd stopped having every moment but had never stopped entirely; if he was setting himself up for anguish when he woke and it was gone; or if it was true and he no longer knew how to do things like be with others. How much more tangled and complex other people were… but also how much warmer. And how he'd forgotten that he missed it.

"I shouldn't even need one," he said. …One hour. They were still on that topic. "And I kept some floo powder around, just in case, if we want to cut that further."

He reached out, too, tentatively, to touch a strand of her hair over her shoulder. "Will… you… still be here? If I turn around?"

[lancifolium]

"I actually brought a car, if you can believe it," Lily laughed at herself. "I wasn't sure how long I'd be away looking for you, and I thought at least with a car I've got somewhere to sleep." There was the added benefit of Voldemort's followers not really checking Muggle means of transportations for Order members or muggle-born witches and wizards, but she knew just how aware of the war that raged around them the pair of them were, she didn't think either of them needed reminding. Lily had learned to drive as a teenager, even if it hadn't been a skill she'd really need to have pursuing magical studies as she believed she would be. It did come in handy though, and she preferred it to brooms by a long shot.

"It's only a few hours back, this was my best lead and my first stop," the smile on her face faltered at his question, and she shook her head, crossing the room to touch his cheek. "I'm here and I'm real Remus, I promise. Solid and staying put."

[lumenrelegandus]

A nostalgic grin—they'd commiserated over their muggle roots, somewhat in secret, not just because of anti-muggle hostility, but sometimes just (from the likes of Sirius) dismissiveness.

His expression flickered, almost shy, making him suddenly look twenty years younger. He put his hand over hers on his face, and it warmed his gaze on her until they could have been schoolmates again. He squeezed her fingers, then turned and got to work; using nonverbal and wandless magic and good old analog walking and picking up, to gather belongings for a trip.

[lancifolium]

She couldn't help but grin back at him, glad that some of the weariness and fear she'd met when she had first arrived at his door had vanished. When Remus turned to pack his things, Lily hung back, finally getting a good look around the place, even as things went past after being summoned to be packed it was impressive and impossibly cozy.

"I wish I'd come here under better circumstances Remus, you've got so many wonderful looking books." She was holding up one, on the history of Herbology, leafing through it as she waited for him to be ready. "One day you'll have to invite me over so I can drink all your tea and read your books."

[lumenrelegandus]

"Come back whenever you want," he said. "Whether I'm here or not. If you and Harry, your parents, want a quiet weekend in the country. You're through the wards so it shouldn't give you any trouble." He shot a rueful look at the bookshelves. "It'd be nice for these not to go to waste." With a wave of his hand, he brought a few to his suitcase, but almost all would stay put. He nodded to the one in her hand. "And take however many you want. They've… been…" He grimaced. "No way around it… my only company." The grimace gentled back to a smile. "But… if I'm rejoining the world now… better for them to be a library. Best especially to be shared."

[lancifolium]

When he invited her to borrow the books she wanted to, Lily glanced around the room, uncertain as to where she would even begin. "Why don't you bring some of your favorites," she looked back in his direction, still smiling gently. "I'm your company now so you'll have someone to discuss them with at last." Naturally that didn't stop her from picking about four titles from a few of the shelves closer to her, not wanting to walk out of her with the entire library if she let herself look too hard at what there was to read.

Books were a weakness.

[lumenrelegandus]

He watched her like Lily browsing books was a beautiful sight. He quickly ducked his head and did his own scanning. When he held out his hand, books flew into it. The last few he left hovering to show to her. "To read to Harry, maybe?" He sounded endearingly nervous about it.

[lancifolium]

"Of course you'll have to read it to Harry," she replied, smiling at him brightly, absolutely adoring the idea. "And we'll only have to drive so far as my parent's house. This is their car. From there, after we fetch Harry we'll be able to take the Floo Network, they're connected on a very limited basis."

[lumenrelegandus]

Smiling so often felt so strange yet so unstrange on his face. Like the muscles had grown unused to it, while at the same time, the lack of smiling, for years, was what had really been the strangeness and the strain. He was astonished at how quickly he reacted to this as normal. When he thought he'd gotten so good at retraining himself, accepting it would never happen again. Maybe if it was anyone other than Lily…? —No, it could be no one else. No one except Sirius suddenly, impossibly exonerated. Anyone else, not even James or Peter… what was done would not be so abruptly undone. It could only be Lily.

And Harry. That was still unreal to him. Maybe he'd start to believe it when they were there. He hadn't even met Harry before That Halloween; he'd been too embedded with the werewolves—and thus too set in dark mindsets even when briefly among others. He'd also assumed, After Halloween, that he, Remus, was too dangerous, in circumstances too unstable, to ever be allowed great exposure to Harry. Let alone take any responsibility for him—which would have been the one thing he'd have stayed for. Dumbledore had denied him that, too, but that one, Remus had accepted without challenge. Now he realised, with warmth of minor revelation: it was also because of Lily. Time couldn't be rewritten, but thinking back on it knowing Lily was still alive restored it a bit more colour and light.

All this thrummed through Remus's whole nervous system as he carefully tucked away the books for Harry; a small handful but carefully curated, balancing muggle and wizarding, entertaining and educating. He wondered if he could dare start a chapter book with Harry and hope to continue it… how many bedtimes would he be allowed to be around for… how close to Harry and Lily he might be allowed to…

Where will you live? What will you do for full moons? The thought darkened his mind. But at the same time, that might be where Dumbledore came in. …Even if not… it had been suggested, once, that Remus might be given custody of 12 Grimmauld. He rejected it then. Perhaps it was a thing to face, after all, now.

He should probably do so in advance, but he decided to tackle these things—even worry about them fully—later. When he was fully convinced he was awake and this was real. He was far enough from the full moon. There was time to maneouvre. …Indeed, he could come back here for his usual stint locked in the cellar. He'd work it out. He couldn't try to anticipate or plan too much in advance. He didn't know enough about Lily, their relationship now, himself, (what he might even want let alone what might be reciprocated,) anything, to dare, and it didn't feel survivable to try. That's all right. They It would be worked out as it went.

Remus finished and closed the bags, turning to Lily. "That should do it."

[lancifolium]

Unaware of the weighty issues that rolled through Remus' mind Lily was content to linger and look on. She thought she might have been able to see something, as though he were thinking quite hard as he packed away his things. They'd only just begun to come out on the other side of so much time without each other it was easy to resist the desire to break his private reverie. They had time for questions, later, after he had a chance to meet Harry and get settled. Had she known he was questioning where he would stay Lily would have protested instantly, she assumed since she had been the one to insist he come, he could just share the little cottage she and Harry lived in.

"You've got everything?" She said with an excited smile when he turned back to face her, her posture lifting as she watched him. "I'll be able to sort my spare room out while you keep Harry busy, it's not very big but it should fit everything you've brought, with room to spare." She and Harry didn't live that lavishly. Most of the money James had left was being kept for her son, and Lily preferred things simple anyway. They lived cozily and happily and that was all she could ever want or need.

"Let's go then, I'm so happy you agreed, Remus, there really aren't words to express it." Taking his arm once he was close enough Lily beamed at him before heading out of the cottage and towards the road where she left her car.

[lumenrelegandus]

The tacit invitation/reassurance—just assuming he would live with them (at least at first)—and her gentle hold on his arm both lifted such heavy clouds from his mind… It was as if she was the patronus who'd just sent a Dementor away. (And what would she think if she saw his patronus, these days…)

"I'm so happy you're alive," he whispered back, dipping his head toward hers. "I never thought I'd have such a friend again." Or any. He'd wondered if he should have ever had such friends at all. With this restoration of the present, not only a future but the past came back with it. Yes. Of course he should have. No matter how it ended. No matter that he never knew who Sirius really was—that may have proved a lie, but their times together weren't. Those times were to be held onto no matter what.

Being faced with a car again was another shot of the past, this one even further back. He remembered hard what to do, but finally just stuck his two bags on the back seat and went to the door of the front seat that didn't have the wheel in front of it.

…Oh. He'd never sat in the front of a car. The last time he'd been in one, he'd been a small child.

He looked again at Lily, her hair and eyes brighter than sunshine, and grinned. "Let the adventure begin."

[lancifolium]

"I assure you, Remus, I'm quite happy that I'm alive as well," it hurt her to think that he had spent any time mourning her. Though they might have been parted from one another's company for quite a long stretch of time, she hadn't ever thought him dead and found the fact that he was out there somewhere consoling. He hadn't had that.

The thought made her heart ache for him all over again and Lily dropped her light hold on his arm in favor of wrapping hers around his back to give him a brief hug.

Drawing away a moment later, though the smile on her face had hardly diminished (and she didn't think it was likely to for some time) Lily opened the driver's side door and got into the car, laughing gently when he declared the adventure as begun.

"Adventure we shall then." Reaching over she squeezed his arm briefly and affectionately before getting her hands on the wheel and getting them out of this village.

As she had mentioned, this place had been her first stop, so it wasn't much longer than a little over an hour that the signs for Cokeworth could be seen on the highway, marking the exit.

"We're nearly there, to pick up Harry and give my Dad back the car of course."

[lumenrelegandus]

[ooc: Sorry for response lag! I started a new job and am just collapsing as soon as I get home ^_^ But I'm acclimating, energy level getting back up!]

Remus watched the world go by with a sense of utter unreality. He was still waiting to wake up—he'd had this sort of dream (of restoration) so many times and had to go through the loss again when it ended. At the same time, it felt as if this was normal and had been all along, that the other condition hadn't happened at all.

Not that the events hadn't. He had a moment, catching himself staring out, of thinking he mustn't make Sirius tease him for being like a dog hanging out a window. To which he'd say—

Nothing because Sirius was a traitor and murderer and rotting in Azkaban. And his heart froze and lodged strangling in his throat. Because that had never achieved full reality, some part of him had never been able to believe it, and perhaps part of his fury at Dumbledore not recalling him for the trial was that Remus never saw it for himself, and so could never accept it. Just one more vanishment, like Peter, like James, like—

Not Lily. He turned his face to gaze instead at her—he'd been avoiding too much of that, even though he knew she'd forgive it—and she was still there, no matter how often he looked away; he could read the displays of the clock and radio and odometer, where in a dream the figures would swim; and the sight of her thawed the block in his throat until he could swallow and breathe and not shiver from his core.

They spoke less than he would have thought… he'd always imagined having them back and talking for hours on end… but it turns out sitting together was just as precious, and he still needed time to get his brain back together from the earlier explosion.

And it was still in progress, because only on nearly there and pick up Harry did it truly hit him: he was going to meet Harry. And a new shock and thrill and anxiety flooded him… and it was amazing. It was… living. He'd been existing for years in a placid, serene, chilly half-death. Now everything was vivid and varied and jaggedly dynamic and alive.

"I can't wait," said Remus Lupin to Lily Potter, with a slight, nervous, transcendently happy smile.