lumenrelegandus | for lancifolium

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for lancifolium

The little town was barely on most maps. It was rustic—quaint even for muggles. The roads were scarcely auto-worthy and you got the impression they liked it that way. Almost everyone had their own vegetable gardens, in addition to the surrounding farmland, and everywhere was walking distance from everywhere else. All showed a real love of this place. They seemed to consider it blessed. There were hints in their conversation, that they themselves would be unable to identify, that this was more than a feeling. Something was truly Charmed, here.

At one end of town, the dirt roads gave way to paved ones, to eventually connect up with the modern world. At the other end was a gentle hill with a tree on top, picture-perfect as a place to sit and read or gaze out at the village. What she was looking for would be on the other side.

Sure enough, with the hill between it and the village, still in the clear before the start of the woodlands, and set back from the… hardly road, here just a path—was a little one-storey house. Its colour was hard to tell anymore. The paint was so discoloured and the plants so overgrown. They climbed up the walls and windowsills and curved delicately around gutters. The lawn was completely covered in flowering weeds. It seemed that no one could be living here. But the sense the house gave was not of haunting or desertion. Rather, it seemed pleasantly like nature had moved back in. The family of birds under the eave, squirrels in the small tree, and rabbits in the overflowed garden seemed to agree. They gave the impression—unusual to their species—of feeling entirely safe.

But if you looked closely, you'd notice that the roof was in good repair, the windows were all intact, and the front door was clear of plants. Closer still, the doorknob was shiny from touch.

This must be the place.

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He put his arms around her shakily, then hugged her tight, his face bending into her hair like it had the one other time in his life that he'd held her and wept.

"How?" he whispered. "How are you—"

Then he stopped, pulled back enough to search her face… the beginnings of a wondering smile on his. He touched her cheek, then looked around, and wordlessly Summoned the parcels he'd dropped to follow them. "Let's go inside. It's warded."

Uncertain where to even begin when he asked her how Lily was thankful the moment, his gathering his things from the ground and letting her into his home allowed her.

She was grateful that he was seemingly as glad to see her as she was him, but that did not stop the thoughtful frown she'd had on his doorstep from returning to her face once they were inside. "I didn't know you thought I'd died Remus. Albus never told me, not until he asked me to try and find you."

Remus nodded slowly, as he moved like a sleepwalker to set down the parcels and close and lock the door behind them.

As overgrown as the outside of the house was, the inside was perfectly tidy. No dirt, no dust, everything shabby but in good repair; with hardly any furniture or belongings—except for wall-to-wall books. The walls themselves weren't visible for bookshelves. Their contents seemed organised by subject, then author, except for some that must've been by something like date… muggle and wizarding, fiction and nonfiction, old and new, from all over the world; some books they'd read at Hogwarts, some she'd caught him referencing (as none of the others had—only they two muggleborns) from his childhood… several worlds' worth in pages…

Remus moved into the room again with her, waving his hand absently and casting wordless, wandless magic to clear some books (pending shelving) off the one armchair, and Summoning a dining chair from the next room, to seat them both facing each other by the window. He invited her to sit in the armchair, with his usual courtesy, but sank into the dining chair himself before she'd accepted. His legs seemed unable to hold him up any longer.

"How didn't you die?" he whispered. "Is James alive too? Peter? Is Sirius pardoned? …What's real?"

Perhaps once she had told him everything Lily would be able to fall utterly in love with the home he'd made for himself here. This was precisely the sort of place that suited her perfectly, down to the shelves of meticulously organized books she'd likely spend days pouring over. She did smile as she looked around the space, "I bet rainy days are lovely here."

Lily looked back to Remus giving him a little smile, shrugging apologetically at the odd remark before she sank down into the chair he offered her, watching him as he regarded her. Given that he had thought her dead, he seemed reasonably shaken up, though the sight of it made her heart hurt. She didn't like to think of someone mourning her, much less someone like Remus, whom she cared very deeply for.

"James is," she began, trailing off almost instantly before giving him a grave nod. "For several years now, and Sirius is," she still didn't know what to think about Sirius, or what had happened that night and how. "He murdered Peter the night you-know-who came for us."

Remus stared at her face the way Diviners did a crystal ball; half-daring, searching; drinking her in yet waiting for the veil to fall; and he seemed so, so much older than the years that had actually passed, and so terribly sad.

"Tell me everything?" he said only.

Lily sighed, nodding as she reached out, catching one of his hands in both of hers, partially for her benefit as much as his.

"He came on Halloween and James tried to," she shook her head. "He didn't have his wand," there was no mistaking the sadness in her voice at the memory of it. James yelling for her to take Harry and run before the entire house flashed with a horrible green light.

Remus turned his hand to return her grasp. His tightened as she spoke, though his eyes never left hers, not even to flinch. He'd always had a way of listening that no one else did (except, he would say, Lily herself); like the speaker was the only person in the world, the reality they described was unassailable, and he was entirely with them, not only now but then, too.

"You-Know-Who made it to Harry's room," she continued her voice low. "I still don't know why he spared me but, he tortured me until I lost consciousness, and when I woke up," she tilted her head to the side, frowning. "I was back in the infirmary at Hogwarts, Slughorn and Dumbledore insisted I be kept close, Harry too. We went to stay with my parents in the safehouse they'd been lent, I didn't know anyone thought we were dead Remus or I promise I would have tried to find you sooner."

Tears had filled Remus's eyes. He enclosed her hands in both of his and brought them all up to kiss hers.

"Dumbledore told me… I guess he didn't explicitly say you were dead. But with all the others… he told me I had to mourn and find a way to move forward… I was so angry at him… that I'd been gone, undercover, when it all happened… that he hadn't called me back, even for Sirius's trial… I thought all of you were gone. Maybe it's my fault, I never learned otherwise… I cut myself off. I didn't tell anyone where I was going. I told Dumbledore not to let anyone look for me. I didn't even settle here until…" He trailed off, eyes going from her hands to her face. He exhaled, a tear streaking his face, then almost smiled and bent forward to hug her again.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "But I'm so, so glad… you and Harry… I'm so glad you're alive. I missed you so much."

Edited 2021-01-18 04:09 (UTC)

"Remus don't apologize," Lily said hastily, letting her hands brush over his cheeks as she felt tears prick her own eyes. It felt like all the things she'd forced herself not to cry about wouldn't be held back anymore, though she was trying her hardest to continue to hold it together.

"What happened to us all was horrible, we were so young and the war, everybody," she trailed off thinking of Marlene, and of Frank and Alice, her gaze falling off to the side momentarily. When Remus moved to draw her into another hug she let her arms wrap around him in return, holding onto him tightly. "We all did what we had to do, we do the best we can." At least that was the steadying thought she had clung to and repeated to herself for years.

"You and James did. Peter… Sirius…" He let the sentence die and shook his head beside hers. He pressed a kiss to her hair, then sat back, scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, and gave more of a smile. "But you. And Harry. Tell me about him."

Lily needed a moment as well, drying her now damp cheeks with a small handkerchief from the pocket of her cardigan and sniffling as she watched Remus seemed to absorb all the truly terrible things that had happened all over again.

"Harry's wonderful Remus," she began, brightening in an instant as she fished through her handbag of a photograph of the little boy to show him. He was settled in the middle of her sitting room, clapping in delight as a paper butterfly fluttered just within the frame of the shot.

Remus leaned over to stare at the photo, awe coming onto his face. "He looks just like James." He looked at Lily again, and finally (third time's the charm) he was really smiling. "He looks happy."

"You'll have to come see him," she said giving him a firm nod that suggested she wouldn't take no for an answer. "Remus, won't you come, just for a little while? I don't want to tear you away from your life here," Lily continued, realizing now that if he declined she would feel terrible. "But I know Harry would love to meet his uncle."

The wonder dawned again in his eyes, and a warmth in his smile, and he nodded. "Yes. I want to meet him. Very much."

And a small, self-deprecating laugh, " 'My life here'… No one will know if I stay or leave. I keep to myself. Although I do… um…" He glanced at the one of shelves of wizarding books. "…do things. For the villagers. Without them knowing. Usually from a distance. But I know they'll survive just fine without me."

Lily's eyes widened a touch when he admitted to helping the people in the closest hamlet and she shook her head with a soft laugh. "Remus, you know you shouldn't," she cut herself off and beamed at him instead.

"It figures even living all by yourself you've still found a way to be kind." It was her turn to hug him again, though she didn't hold onto him for very long, eager to draw back enough to smile at him once more. "I'm so glad you'll come." She paused, frowning. "Dumbledore did send me, but, I didn't know you were angry with him."

His brow raised, but he looked only confused, not angry. "Did he? Why?"

"We need you, Remus, things are getting better but there's danger everywhere. He wouldn't say why specifically but I know for certain that we need you." Lily cleared her throat, her bright eyes wide and emotional. "I know I'd benefit greatly from having you around."

As if the years of self-exile, mourning, and fury were nothing—unhesitating, almost casual, as if there could never be any doubt—and with Lily asking, there wasn't—Remus simply nodded. "Then I'll come."

He stood, squeezing her shoulder on the way. He absently took his wand out of his pocket and looked around. "Did you mean now? There's not much I'd need to pack. If I don't come back here right away, it can become a safe house… or for minibreaks… Whatever the times require."

His eyes flickered back to hers, grey to green. "Of course I'll help however I can," he said. "But… until I speak to Dumbledore himself… so we understand… I'm coming with you. For you. And Harry. I make no assumptions or advance promises for anything else." Anxious, "Is that all right?"

"Dumbledore will want to see you as soon as possible," she exhaled slowly and turned to watch Remus as he moved around the room. It was almost surreal to be around him, though she could imagine that he would say the same of her, especially after having spent all these years believing she was dead.

"If you can come now, you ought to," Lily brightened a bit, perking up in her seat. "If we leave in less than two hours I'll be able to get Harry from my Mum and Dad's in time for bed," she had planned to be away and looking for Remus for far longer than she actually had been. Considering that she rose from her seat, smiling broadly at him. "I realize it's a hard time, there's a lot of work to be done, and much of it probably quite dangerous if I know Albus Dumbledore, but you've still made me very happy deciding to come back." Crossing the space between them she reached out and rest her hand on his shoulder, "I've missed having a friend like you in my life terribly."

He turned to her again… and his eyes hit with a shockwave of such… cold. Not cold feeling from him to her—never; nor a cold heart, since his somehow, despite all the betrayals and losses, never stopped beating kind and warm. It was the coldness that had settled into his bones of the isolation he'd lived in for so long. So far from the sun of connections; the cold numb simplicity of hermitry, that he hadn't even realised felt like that until just now, under the return of the blazing fire of Lily Evans Potter. He even flexed his fingers, as if his extremities were regaining sensation. And with the thaw was the doubt and fear and wonder, if this was truly real or was the kind of dream he'd stopped having every moment but had never stopped entirely; if he was setting himself up for anguish when he woke and it was gone; or if it was true and he no longer knew how to do things like be with others. How much more tangled and complex other people were… but also how much warmer. And how he'd forgotten that he missed it.

"I shouldn't even need one," he said. …One hour. They were still on that topic. "And I kept some floo powder around, just in case, if we want to cut that further."

He reached out, too, tentatively, to touch a strand of her hair over her shoulder. "Will… you… still be here? If I turn around?"

"I actually brought a car, if you can believe it," Lily laughed at herself. "I wasn't sure how long I'd be away looking for you, and I thought at least with a car I've got somewhere to sleep." There was the added benefit of Voldemort's followers not really checking Muggle means of transportations for Order members or muggle-born witches and wizards, but she knew just how aware of the war that raged around them the pair of them were, she didn't think either of them needed reminding. Lily had learned to drive as a teenager, even if it hadn't been a skill she'd really need to have pursuing magical studies as she believed she would be. It did come in handy though, and she preferred it to brooms by a long shot.

"It's only a few hours back, this was my best lead and my first stop," the smile on her face faltered at his question, and she shook her head, crossing the room to touch his cheek. "I'm here and I'm real Remus, I promise. Solid and staying put."

A nostalgic grin—they'd commiserated over their muggle roots, somewhat in secret, not just because of anti-muggle hostility, but sometimes just (from the likes of Sirius) dismissiveness.

His expression flickered, almost shy, making him suddenly look twenty years younger. He put his hand over hers on his face, and it warmed his gaze on her until they could have been schoolmates again. He squeezed her fingers, then turned and got to work; using nonverbal and wandless magic and good old analog walking and picking up, to gather belongings for a trip.

She couldn't help but grin back at him, glad that some of the weariness and fear she'd met when she had first arrived at his door had vanished. When Remus turned to pack his things, Lily hung back, finally getting a good look around the place, even as things went past after being summoned to be packed it was impressive and impossibly cozy.

"I wish I'd come here under better circumstances Remus, you've got so many wonderful looking books." She was holding up one, on the history of Herbology, leafing through it as she waited for him to be ready. "One day you'll have to invite me over so I can drink all your tea and read your books."

"Come back whenever you want," he said. "Whether I'm here or not. If you and Harry, your parents, want a quiet weekend in the country. You're through the wards so it shouldn't give you any trouble." He shot a rueful look at the bookshelves. "It'd be nice for these not to go to waste." With a wave of his hand, he brought a few to his suitcase, but almost all would stay put. He nodded to the one in her hand. "And take however many you want. They've… been…" He grimaced. "No way around it… my only company." The grimace gentled back to a smile. "But… if I'm rejoining the world now… better for them to be a library. Best especially to be shared."

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